Diplomatic Transport Aviator (Warlord Pilot)

I recently was informed that I would be taking the Afghan Minister of Energy and his entourage to Ashgabat, Turkmenistan for high-level discussions. Like everyone who is reading this letter, I had to find out where Ashgabat actually was. For the geographically adroit, Turkmenistan is to the Northwest of Afghanistan and across the vast Khorasan Desert from Herat. I did my research on the place and learned that it is the most repressive place in Asia West of Korea. The dictator, Saparmurat Niyazov, grew up in the old Soviet empire and immediately seized control when the evil empire disbanded. Recent headlines on the BBC & CNN include:

1) ASHGABAT, Turkmenistan, (Reuters) -- Turkmenistan's President Saparmurat Niyazov, who last week renamed the month of January after himself, has decreed a new system for dividing up the ages of his people.

2) President Niyazov of Turkmenistan has ordered the construction of a palace made of ice in the heart of his desert country, one of the hottest on earth.

3) Turkmen President Saparmurat Niyazov has banned the playing of recorded music at all public events, on television and at weddings. (It goes without saying that he also banned lip-syncing when performing songs.)

4) “I'm personally against seeing my pictures and statues in the streets - but it's what the people want.”

His likeness is indeed everywhere; his best was a common public portrait leaning over with a grin looking a lot like Dean Martin but 50lbs heavier. As hard as I looked online, I saw no reference of his claiming to have invented the internet or the comma.

However, I never met the man. I did meet, the Afghan Minister of Energy, Ismael Khan. Mr. Khan. Depending on whom you speak with, he is an honorable mujahadeen fighter who was captured and escaped from both the Soviets and Taliban, or, he is a warlord from Herat who built a 5000 man army through collections of custom duties destined for the national government in Kabul. Regardless, he did invest his earnings back into the Herat valley and when the government was unable to root him from power, simply made him a Minister. As he’s on our side, assisting in eradicating poppies, and gave me a firm handshake, he’s OK. Of course, the entire trip was financed by USAID (Your tax dollars). Also, should the Minister/Warlord business go sour, he can always get work at Christmas time.

We even stopped for fuel in the old hometown and he was met by a group of 50 or so men, all of who bowed and kissed the man’s hand. At that point, I made sure to be on my best behavior for the remainder of the trip.

Turkmenistan was unexpectedly nice. The dictator has clean streets, modern buildings, lots of parks and open space, all of which was well maintained. People were friendly and the buildings modern and impressive. Our meals were cheap and taken outdoors at local parks. Dinner for 4 with drinks was about $20. That said, the two places everyone said to visit were the Carpet Museum and the Old City. In Kabul, we have more carpets than you can beat with a stick. We made the 30mi drive to the Old City and found it to be a bunch of abandoned mud houses. Basically, it was Kabul but with no people actually living there.

In the end, Turkmenistan was more European than Asian yet retained a respectful Islamic culture. No women wore burkas or scarves, though most wore ankle length dresses. Men wore what they pleased. A run to the local stadium found a modern track and kids outside playing soccer and guys practicing
boxing at a high level. The city was functional and made for a nice respite from Afghanistan.

Upon exit from Turkmenistan, I was privileged to experience Soviet style bureaucracy at hand. After taking fuel and preparing to position our two planes to the VIP area, I was taken along with the other captain across the airport to a desolate area and placed into a small room. The woman there spoke no English and proceeded to write for the next 45minutes. All Attempts to Communicate were in vain until she looked up and showed us she had been copying invoices…12 for each aircraft. All this for documenting a small amount of fuel and some landing fees. Fueling took 20 minutes. The payment process took over an hour.

Scary thing is…I was happy to return “Home” to Afghanistan.

JLH

Luken goes shopping

Can I really fit in one of these?

Santa Claus, Minister of Energy or Warlord

Lenin still standing

Niyazov and Clinton